Jean-Luc And Humphrey: Feeling Better

Jean-Luc and Humphrey are feeling better. They antibiotics seemed to have helped them a lot.

We gave Michaela a little bit, just in case. I didn't want her to come down with anything.

We all miss Alistair. There is a certain emptiness to the house without him in it. I can't stop thinking about him.

Just writing in this blog, now that I have only three, now that one of them is in Heaven, I feel guilty. Extremely guilty.

I tried to save Alistair. I did everything I could think of to save him. It wasn't enough.

I wish I could have done more.

Jean-Luc, Humphrey, and Michaela have all been playing today. Except for when they were sleeping off the antibiotic.

They are much improved.

We all miss you and love you, Alistair.

Rest In Peace, Alistair

A little after three the vet called me.

Alistair has passed away.

I can't even say it out loud.

When we went to visit him this morning, after we sang to him and prayed for him, I leaned close to him and I said softly, "Alistair, we both know you are Mommy's Little Fighter, but if you are tired of fighting, it's okay to let go."

We left the vet's office at eleven this morning.

I'll be working on a memorial for Alistair while I'm still in the shock phase, before the true grief sets in, the hard part.

The part where it feels like the world just stopped spinning and then fell on top of you.

It's so heavy there's nothing you can do about it.

Alistair no longer needs prayers. He is safe with Michi, Grandma, Dad, Cadence, Buffy, Lauren, Rachel, Alex, Michael, Mogwai, Stephanie, Clementine, Angelo(his brother who died at birth), Avery, Desi, Kimmy, Misty, and all the others who passed away before him. And they are having a party because Alistair is home.

He is no longer in a weak body.

He can finally, truly relax. He is not in pain. He is not suffering. He is not alone. 

For that I am thankful.